When Kids Don’t Feel Right, They Can’t Behave Right

Assalamualaikum

Bismillah

Most of parents have been asking about how to helping children deal with difficult feelings? How to get your kids to do what you tell them to do. 

Not that we don’t care about how our kids feel. It’s just not generally the first priority for frazzled parent.

We think that, if they did as they were told, things would go so smoothly we’d all feel great! The problem is there’s just no shortcut to getting cooperative kid.

There were times when you were feeling tired, stressed or upset about something else entirely. All human being can’t behave right when they don’t feel right. S

ame as well as our kids! If we don’t take care of their feeling first, we have little chance of engaging their cooperation.

Most of the parents have difficulty accepting our children express negative feeling. 

We don’t want to accept negative feeling because they are negative. We don’t want to give them any power. We want to correct them. Our intuition tells us to push those feelings away as fast and hard as possible.

When their feeling acknowledged, they feel relieved: 

She understand me. 

I feel better. 

Maybe it’s not bad. 

Maybe I can handle it.

Do we actually talk to our kids this way? 

Or we are trying to correct them, scold and lecture them when they express a negative feeling?

“Why did you throw sand when I just told you not to?”

“Why do you always want a toy as soon as your brother starts playing with it?”

“You should be more patient with your little brother”

We can’t treat our children like we treat our adult friends. Good feelings can’t come in until the bad feelings are let out. If you try to stuff those bad feelings back in, they will marinate and become more potent.

When a child says “I hate my friends. I’m never playing with them again!” Instead of denial their feelings, try to say 

“Boy, sounds like you’re really angry with your friends right now” or 

“Something they did really annoyed you”

You are giving your child a crucial vocabulary of feelings that he can resort to in times of need. All feeling can be accepted. Some action must be limited.

When we were accepting those feelings it doesn’t mean that you stand by and cheer your child slugs his friends in the nose. Just accept the feeling.

Here are quotes for you~

“Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.”

'"We parents take great pride in our children. When they succeed, it makes us happier than if we’d done it ourselves."

"Raising the child we want, not the child we have. Forcing our dreams on them won’t work. Only when we see them for who they are can we impact their life powerfully.

"It’s hard to see our children fall, but sometimes we have to."